How to Make Your Parents Like Your Boyfriend
There is no way to actually "make" anyone like someone that you love. People are free to think about what they want about other people, so if worse does come to worse, you're going to have to gauge whether it's more important to be with your boyfriend or for your parents to approve and like who you're involved with.
Would it bother you if your boyfriend was never accepted or loved by your family?See results without voting
Decide if You'd be Okay with having Your Boyfriend Disliked
As much as we would like for our relationship to be readily accepted by our parents, and everyone for that matter, there may be one or two people that just don't get it or have a problem with your boyfriend or person you're dating. In this situation, really think about whether or not it's worth the constant fighting or bickering with this person, and whether or not both you and your boyfriend want to go through with it.
If you introduce your boyfriend and your entire family hates him. Is it fair to him to have to be hated by the people you love? Is there a way for them to get to know your boyfriend and then perhaps like him better?
These are important questions to ask yourself. Be honest with yourself and truthful with your boyfriend. Does it bother you that your mom will always dislike him? Honesty is important.
Knowing what you want, before it happens will help gauge whether or not you're willing to work with your parents and show them that your boyfriend is a good person and that he is a good match for you.
The Annoyance of Being a Girl
One little side note: if you're a girl, your parents will more than likely be harder to win over than your boyfriend's parents. It's just parents nature to want to really protect their "little girls" and to instantly be suspicious of boys and their intentions.
Unfortunately I've never been able to find a good way to combat this other than just letting my parents get used to my boyfriend and have him prove himself to my parents.
How to Judge What Your Parents Think of Your Boyfriend
Every parent, every family and every person is different. Some people naturally take longer to warm up to other people than others. Below are some situations that your parents may fall into, and each have their own levels of acceptance that can or can not be influenced.
This one happens a lot with overprotective parents (which I grew up with), so it's sometimes hard to gauge whether your parents hate your boyfriend because they're worried about you, or if something caused them to have a reaction where they are genuinely worried for a good reason about your choice of boyfriend.
A good rule is that if they already hate him without even meeting him or knowing anything about him, chances are they are just worried and overprotective. If they have seen how he acts when he picks you up or how you talk on the phone with him, they may have caught some warning signs that you didn't pick up on. This may lead to a valid reason to why they don't like your boyfriend.
This is immediate. As soon as your parents meet your boyfriend, they will of course come to conclusion just from the first day that they meet. This is one of the most difficult opinions to change, as your boyfriend may remind one of your parents with a past relationship that was hurtful for them, or they may have some sort of a prejudice against your boyfriend.
While time can of course help your parents get to know your boyfriend, it is not always possible for your parents to let go of that initial hatred. Whatever the reason was, it may be something that they just can't look past. In this case, you may have to make the decision and ask the hard question: do you want to put your boyfriend through this and are you okay with it?
Sure being a teenager or being younger, you may be rebellious and not care, but in five to ten years when you're thinking of potentially marrying this person, would you really be okay with having your boyfriend be hated?
How to Tell if Your Parents Hate or Disapprove of Your Boyfriend
Signs of Disapproval
Signs of Hatred/Dislike
Do your parents ever say that you're better than your boyfriend?
Do your parents make any effort to get to know your boyfriend?
Do your parents enjoy or tolerate you talking about your boyfriend?
Do your parents treat you different or think worse of you since you've been with your boyfriend?
Do your parents have any (good) reasons for disliking him? He doesn't treat you right, doesn't call, etc.
Do your parents encourage you to meet or date other people?
A Story from Personal Experience
I had a boyfriend who didn't wave when he would leave, he never stood inside the house with my family, he isolated himself and didn't openly show his affection or love toward me around anyone, but now that I look back I realize it wasn't more than just simple lust or puppy love. At the time I thought it was just how he grew up, but when things ended, it was me who was hurt at the end.
My parents never did like him. They couldn't stop me from dating him, but they did constantly tell me to find someone else or talk about how he wasn't right for me, how he was below me, how I must know that this wasn't going to work.
My mom did actually tell me that he had reminded her a lot of someone she had been hurt with, so my mom was onto something and had her reasons. He also was someone completely different than me, but not in an easy way. He was Hispanic and I couldn't talk to his parents or family because I didn't know Spanish and he didn't share my common passion for art. I felt alienated because of my ignorance and not having someone who I could really talk to about art with was a piece of the puzzle I didn't realize was missing until later.
Long story short: what was a huge mistake in my life, ended up being a blessing. Even though I was hurt from that encounter, I learned to take into account what I wanted in a boyfriend and understood that the right person would both being liked by my parents and be someone the family would enjoy hearing stories about and being around.
How to Get Your Parents to Get to Know Your Boyfriend
This part can be a little tricky if you have stubborn parents who flat out hate your choice of boyfriend, and depending on your age it might not work so well if they still can pull the "you're too young" card.
However, below are some situations and fun things that seem to help your parents get to know your boyfriend more.
- Have a nice dinner with your parents, siblings and your boyfriend. After all, you probably want your boyfriend to fit into your family, so why not invite him over for dinner? You can also go out if your parents or boyfriend are more comfortable by not having to cook. Remember that first impressions are everything so if this is the first meeting, be sure to not assume that your parents will pick up the check.
What was the most helpful way that your parents got to know your boyfriend with?See results without voting
- Holidays. Invite your boyfriend over for Christmas or Thanksgiving. Even if he is having his own celebration with his family, it's very common to split the day and be sure to spend time with more than just your family. This is a great way to swap stories and participate in family traditions.
- Sports events or common interests. If your boyfriend and one of your parents share a common interest what better way to bond than a gold night or a night run. Be sure not to pressure or step on anyone's toes though. If your dad goes golfing to relax, make sure to ask if it'll be alright for your boyfriend to tag along. You don't want him to resent your boyfriend for hanging around all the time
- Time. In time, even the most protective parents won't be able to hold up their hatred for long. If they see you having fun, being treated right and they even semi-enjoy him being around. Your boyfriend will be able to win him over in time.
Conclusion and Final Thoughts
If it's important to both you and your boyfriend to be on good terms with your parents, make the effort to gain that bond. It's not going to happen overnight and sometimes it does require a lot of time and patience to nurture the relationship.
However, in the end it's worth the trouble to be able to come home and have your parents ask how your boyfriend is doing and genuinely be happy for you. Don't be bitter if your parents are difficult. They may have their reasons (if you're a girl it'll be harder so be patient).
Let the relationship happen naturally and don't push it too hard or you may end up causing grudges and annoying your parents or boyfriend.
It is worth it, so fight for that love.
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